Yesterday evening, I was prepping dinner—a ritual my daughter sometimes joins me for. Usually, she perches on the kitchen stepladder, sharing stories about her day while I chop vegetables. But this time, I caught myself nodding absently, my mind drifting to the upcoming projects for the week.

Her voice broke through: “Mom, did you hear me?”

I hadn’t! And it stopped me in my tracks. How often do we fool ourselves into thinking that physical presence equals genuine connection? That simply being in the same room, nodding along while our mind wanders elsewhere, is enough?

This moment reminded me of a pattern I see constantly: the myth that connection happens automatically when we share space. In reality, meaningful connection requires something more intentional. As we prepare for the upcoming holiday season – a time where there tends to be more space for connection, regardless of how you celebrate – here's a framework for creating it:

How to Create Moments of True Connection

Step One: Shift from Presence to Engagement

Most of us think we're good at "being present," but presence alone isn't enough. True engagement means actively participating in the moment with all our faculties. This means:

• Don't just turn your devices face-down—remove them entirely from the space to eliminate the temptation of checking them.

• Make intentional eye contact to demonstrate your focus and build trust in the conversation.

• Listen actively by asking questions that naturally extend from what the other person is sharing, showing you're truly processing their words.

• Use your whole body to communicate attention—turn toward the person, maintain an open posture, and stay physically present in the interaction.

Step Two: Design Connection-Rich Environments

Just as a well-designed system needs the right conditions to function, meaningful connections need the right environment to flourish. Create spaces that naturally foster connection by:

• Build connection into your existing routines, like making dinner preparation a time for conversation and shared experience.

• Take proactive steps to eliminate potential interruptions before your connection time begins.

• Arrange your physical space to naturally encourage face-to-face interaction, whether that's comfortable seating or a welcoming kitchen island.

• Define clear boundaries around your connection time by setting specific start and end points, which helps everyone treat this time as special and protected.

Step Three: Build Connection-Protecting Boundaries

Think of boundaries not as walls, but as the banks of a river—they don't restrict flow, they create it. Strong boundaries actually deepen connection by:

• Have direct conversations about your expectations for uninterrupted time, making these explicit rather than assumed.

• Support others in understanding and respecting your protected connection moments by consistently maintaining your boundaries.

• Establish an environment where people feel safe to be vulnerable and authentic with each other.

• Release yourself from the guilt of other demands by fully committing to these moments of connection.

One Thing to Ask Yourself This Week:

"When was the last time someone had my complete, undivided attention? How did I know I was fully there?"

One Thing to Try:

Choose one daily interaction (coffee with your partner, team check-ins, bedtime routine with kids) and transform it into a "phone-free, agenda-free zone" for one week. Notice what shifts in the quality of connection.

Sometimes our greatest teachers of connection are the moments when we realize we're missing it. In our complex world, genuine connection doesn't happen by accident—it happens by design.

Until next week,

Lauren