Every leader faces those moments: the subtle eye-roll in a meeting, the passive resistance to boundaries, the undermining behaviors that are hard to address directly. In this issue, we’ll unpack these dynamics and how you can use one simple principle to untangle them and take charge of the situation.

Years ago, I took Krav Maga classes for a while (a form of martial arts), and my instructor shared a principle that transformed my understanding of handling resistance: "The aim of your response to an attack is to escalate the situation to a level of violence that your attacker is not prepared to handle." Now, stay with me, because I’m never advocating for aggression at work (or anywhere else). When you look under the surface, this principle reveals a profound truth about handling any power struggle effectively.

Here's what I mean:

When these behaviors pop up, the person causing the issue is usually trying to meet some need—often for control—and they're doing it in ways that disrupt team dynamics and erode professional standards. But there's only a certain "box" they're willing to stay in to meet that need. There's only so far they'll go.

Most leaders respond to problem behaviors in one of two ways: either by defending against them (which can feel weak) or by matching them with equal force (which can feel like an exhausting uphill battle). But there's a more elegant solution: escalating the situation to a level of inconvenience the person isn't prepared to handle.

This isn't about aggression or punishment. In fact, it can be done with complete professionalism and genuine care. It's about understanding that most people will only engage in problematic behaviors when the benefit outweighs the cost. Your job is to change that equation—not through penalties, but through increasing the level of directness, formality and accountability until continuing the behavior simply isn't worth it anymore.

Let’s explore what that looks like.

Step 1: Start with Direct Acknowledgement

The first level of "inconvenience" is simply making the subtle overt:

• Name the behavior specifically using objective facts: "I noticed you rolled your eyes during that discussion" (not "you seem unhappy")

• Express surprise at their comfort level: "I'm surprised you feel comfortable communicating that way in a professional setting"

• Create space for legitimate concerns: "What prompted that response?"

• Stick to observable behaviors, not interpretations or assumptions

For example: In a team meeting, Sarah rolls her eyes when you announce a new process. Instead of ignoring it or making assumptions about her attitude, you address it directly: "Sarah, I noticed you rolled your eyes when I mentioned the new documentation requirements. I'm surprised you feel comfortable expressing disagreement that way in a team meeting. What concerns do you have about the new process?"

Step 2: Escalate Strategically, Not Emotionally

If the behavior continues, increase the formality and visibility:

• Move from informal conversations to documented meetings

• Shift from private discussions to involving appropriate stakeholders (supervisors, human resources, cross-functional leaders)

• Progress from verbal feedback to written documentation

• Always maintain a solution-focused, professional tone

For example: Despite the direct conversation, Sarah continues to display dismissive behavior in meetings. Your next step is to schedule a formal 1:1 meeting with her, document the patterns you've observed, and create clear expectations in writing. A lot of people will stop when directly confronted – it’s too uncomfortable for them. Others will not be fazed by it (sometimes people have a surprising capacity for conflict!) If the behavior continues, simply move to the next level of escalation - involve your supervisor, HR, etc.

Step 3: Stay Focused on Behavior Change

• Keep your eye on the only metric that matters: has the behavior stopped?

• Don't get pulled into debates about intentions or explanations (again, all that matters are observable facts)

• Maintain professional distance from the emotional content (don’t take it personally!)

For example: Sarah tries to turn the conversation toward how others also show frustration or how you're singling her out. Instead of engaging with these deflections, you stay focused: "I understand you have feelings about this situation. Right now, we need to address the specific behaviors we've discussed: rolling eyes in meetings and making dismissive comments when new processes are introduced. Are you willing to commit to stopping these behaviors?"

Step 4: Frame Escalation as Support for Better Outcomes

• Keep creating space for legitimate concerns

• Stay connected to the larger mission

• Emphasize that you value the person’s service and/or perspective, otherwise you would not bother to bring this up

• Model the professional behavior you expect

For example: While maintaining firm boundaries about professional conduct, you continue to make space for Sarah's input: "I want to be clear that your perspective on our processes is valuable. I'm happy to discuss your concerns and ideas in a professional way. How can we create a constructive dialogue about process improvements?"

Also, an important caveat. This works even if you’re not the manager in the situation! I began using this long before I became a manager, and it works just as well with colleagues within or across functions.

One Thing to Ask Yourself This Week:

"Where am I defending against or matching problem behaviors instead of making them inconvenient?"

One Thing to Try:

Next time you encounter resistance, start by naming it directly and creating space for concerns. Notice how many behaviors stop just at this first level of "inconvenience."

Remember, the goal isn't to punish or control—it's to make continuing the problem behavior more trouble than it's worth while maintaining your professionalism and care.

Until next week,

Lauren