You know that feeling: Someone says something inappropriate in a meeting, or challenges you in a way you weren't expecting, and you freeze. Your mind goes blank. Later—maybe hours later, maybe days—you finally think of the perfect response. "That's what I should have said!" you realize, frustrated with yourself for missing the moment.

I used to live in this pattern of freeze-then-regret constantly. For many days after, I’d feel humiliated because I froze up, and I’d really have no idea what I should have done instead. In an attempt to remedy this, I’d ask different people for their opinion. I’d Google for answers. After days of being mystified, I’d come up with some hazy idea of what I could (maybe?) do next time. And then the cycle would repeat itself. I envied people who seemed clear and decisive in the moment.

Today, something very different happens: When someone speaks inappropriately or tries to derail a conversation, my hand automatically rises in a gesture that politely but firmly stops them. My body responds appropriately before my mind even has time to think about it.

So what changed?

It wasn’t about having faster comebacks or being more aggressive. Those skills were never the issue. It was about my nervous system learning to stay regulated instead of dropping into fight, flight, or freeze. When this happens, appropriate responses become automatic—no more lying awake at night thinking of what you should have said.

This transformation is possible for everyone. Here's how to start:

How to Move from Freezing to Responding

Step 1: Know Your Zones

Your nervous system operates in three basic zones:

Green Zone (Safety):

• Thoughts are optimistic

• Mind is awake and alert

• Breathing is even and easy

• Body feels at ease

This is where automatic, appropriate responses happen naturally. You can feel some stress while still in green—stress doesn't always mean you're not safe.

Yellow Zone (Sensing Danger):

• Thoughts become fearful or defensive

• Mind feels scattered or racing

• Breathing becomes rapid

• Body fills with adrenaline

This is where you might find yourself talking too fast or becoming defensive.

Red Zone (Freeze):

• Mind goes foggy

• Thinking slows down

• Body feels sluggish

• That familiar "blank" feeling takes over

This is where those frustrating "freeze" moments happen.

Step 2: Build Your Awareness

Start noticing which zone you're in during different situations:

• Before difficult conversations

• During tense meetings

• When facing unexpected challenges

• After stressful interactions

Pay particular attention to your physical signals. Does your heart race in certain situations? Does your mind go blank at specific triggers? These patterns are clues to where your system needs support.

Step 3: Practice Zone Management

The key to staying in (or returning to) the green zone is having specific strategies for each state:

For Yellow Zone (Sensing Danger): Your body needs to feel "contained" through contact and pressure. Try these subtle moves:

• Squeeze one forearm with your opposite hand

• If sitting, press your hands against the outside of your knees

• Line your forearms with your chair arms and press outward

For Red Zone (Freeze): You need to "thaw out" with small movements. Try these without drawing attention:

• Trace a rectangle with your eyes

• Make a fist and squeeze

• Press your foot firmly into the floor

The goal isn't to never feel stressed. It's to help your system learn that it can stay regulated even in challenging moments.

One Thing to Ask Yourself This Week:

"When do I most often find myself freezing or regretting my response? What physical signals come right before those moments?"

One Thing to Try:

Next time you're heading into a situation that typically challenges you, try this: Find somewhere in your body that feels good or neutral. It might be your feet on the ground, your back against the chair, or your hands resting in your lap. Practice returning your attention to this spot whenever you notice tension rising.

Remember, your current freeze response isn't a personality trait—it's simply your nervous system doing its best to protect you. With practice, you can help it learn new, more effective ways to keep you safe while staying engaged.

Want more specific strategies for high-stakes situations? Download my quick reference guide HERE for a complete set of somatic tools you can use before, during, and after challenging moments.

Until next week,

Lauren

P.S. If you want more specific strategies for high-stakes situations, download my quick reference guide HERE for a complete set of somatic tools you can use before, during, and after challenging moments.